finding my place

and above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. those who don't believe in magic will never find it.- roald dahl

yep, started another three or four blog posts, only to go no further than more saved drafts. seems to be the trend lately.  and just seems to be how things are rollin' these days.

i am really working to find my place in so many ways--as a wife, a mother, a photographer and flat out just find my place in general.

not long ago, steve was separated from us, deployed to iraq for seven months. and for about a year prior to that, his average time getting home from work was around 7 or 8 PM. now...he's home all the time and many days by 1 PM. and we are parents together, working as a team. i am no longer the (temporary) single parent making all the decisions for my children; my role is and equal half of the parenting equation. i went from being crazy busy in san diego with my business, to being here in kansas and well...not crazy busy.  i know...everyone's probably thinking,

hey stupid, that's awesome. wake up. what is there to think about or ponder or find?  it's right in front of your face.  grab it.  tightly.  and hold it with everything you have because before you know it, it will be gone and you'll be begging to have it back.

yes, i know. i know. i know. i know. i get it. but with post-deployment, there comes a phase of reintegration or a readjustment period. and beyond the standard post-deployment reintegration bit, we added a move across country to the mix and a daughter, who has been away from us (with her dad) all summer.

believe me, i'm grateful as can be...but this is all still a pretty big adjustment. i know my fellow military spouses are nodding their head in agreement--they've been there and they get it. while my best guess is that the non-military folks are thinking i'm a bit off in my thinking and maybe even a bit crazy.

i absolutely love my husband and have to say he's the greatest husband and father ever. i'm thankful that he's home and for this time we're getting to spend with him. but, like i said (over and over again)'s an adjustment.

i know that this is time we won't see again (until steve retires) and i'm working hard to realize that it's okay to slow down and not be crazy busy with life and well...simply embrace and cherish this time we have together, with every morsel in my body.

i guess in the end, i just i feel like i'm in a really weird place right now. everything has changed and i'm trying to understand how i fit in amongst that change.