adjusting my sails

i can't change the direction of the wind, but i can adjust my sails to always read my destination. - jimmy dean

first, happy belated halloween. Â the kids had such a great evening trick or treating with friends. and if you haven't noticed the photo below, my angelic child...well, she was none other than the grim reaper. Â four months ago, we made an agreement that she would be a 50s girl. at the end of 5th grade, the kids put on a musical and i told kiele that if i bought her all the bits and pieces pieces for her 50s costume ($100+), she was going to have to be a 50s girl for halloween. she agreed. fast forward to about a month ago and she was telling me that she didn't want to be a dumb 50s girl and begging me to let her to be a ghoul.

really? why?Â

i don't know. i just want to.

and so, the night before halloween, we ventured out and bought the last grim reaper costume (it just happened to her size, at target.  in the end, kiele said, next year, i think i'll be a princess. i just found the whole thing funny. and ryder...he woke up in the middle of the night last night, to go pee. and then stood by my bed, telling me he couldn't go back into bed because there was a biting baby in there. i think halloween got the best of him. i did finally get him back into bed, but it took a while (he was convinced the biting baby was there).

now on to today. wasn't the best of days.  and i don't just mean busy.  i had reached my max, at least for a temporary period, this morning.  my max in multi-tasking (and i consider myself a pretty darn good multi-tasker).  and my max for toleration.  i had a shoot to get ready for, a bear chair to transfer to the buyer, a birthday party to get the kids ready for and then my kids wouldn't stop whining, crying and fussing. i still hadn't showered and my client called, to let me know they were 15 minutes away. all of a sudden, it hit me like a train. a train going full speed. WHAM. i had a little outburst and my kids were quickly quieted. they, too, then realized i was at my max. i got over it but it took a while to shake.  for a bit, i was on the verge of tears. it was just one of those days.

but it is during these days that i continue to remind myself how lucky i am. we all have bad days. today just happened to be one of mine. especially during a day like today, i remind myself over and over again of all the things i have to be grateful for. i guess it's my little way of adjusting my sails and setting myself in the right direction, to get through the rough seas.


i'm embarrassed. i'm embarrassed that i let things get to me. that i lost it. i received an email from my client today, right after posting this blog entry. part of her email is as follows:

Thank you so much for today. On a hard day for you and a hard day for us, I'm so grateful we were just able to make it work. On days like today I feel like a shell of who I am. I seriously just want to lay down in a fetal position at the end of today and put up the white flag.  Jill fell asleep all the way as we drove away and stayed asleep 'til we got to Doug's grandma's. But we stayed too long and she ended up screaming. We went to get in the car (as she's crying) and Doug realizes that he forgot to hook Mike up to IV hydration and back on to feeds. So he starts working on them while I get her BACK out of the car screaming and just walk her up and down the street. Then I hear Chris from the back seat "MOMMY... my tummy really hurts". I look at him and, sure enough, his face is completely pale which always means he is going to vomit. His pink little lips go all the way white! So Doug grabbed him out of the car just in time to vomit everywhere.  Jill is screaming in my arms so I can't help. Then Mike gets out of the car and vomits as well. All the while Mike's pumps are beeping in the back of the car. HOLY CRAP!!!Â

after reading the above client's email, i should have blogged about what a glorious day i had today. really, <whacking myself on the back of the head> i should have known better. Â what do i have to have a meltdown about? seriously...not a damn thing. Â my life is glorious. Â thanks S for helping me get my sails set right.

* names in the above were changed, to protect their identities.