powerful thoughts

if you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought again.- peace pilgrim

here i am. waiting. wondering. my stomach in knots. yet butterflies fluttering amongst the knots, all at once. a mix of emotions. a mess of emotions. i catch myself often...with visions of his return. visions of me hugging him tightly. visions of me holding him close, never letting go. i find myself getting teary at the thought of him actually being home again. will it actually happen? finally happen?

knowing that there is a deployment honeymoon phase, i caution myself. and try to bring myself back to reality. then i smack myself and go right back to the honeymoon phase. why should i be thinking anything but? that *is* my reality right now.

we're still battling the flu. but that's okay because i'm hoping it runs its course and we're all (relatively) healthy by the time he returns. to be honest, i think there was a bigger plan. one that i wasn't privy to. but maybe the germs knew and they attacked us at just the right time. if steve had gotten home as scheduled (yesterday), we would have been a mess. a sick mess...literally. ryder got it. i got it. sky got it last night, with a 103 fever. kiele hasn't gotten it...so we will see. for now, we're all thinking healthy, positive thoughts.

and plugging along. continuing to prepare. cleaning. organizing. welcome home signs. laundry. car washing.

still lots of unknowns. a tentative date is all we have. i don't even know if he has left iraq. i just keep hoping. because that's all i have to hold onto right now. hoping...for no sandstorms and a working plane. that they finally take off as scheduled. a safe flight. to arrive as scheduled (for the fourth time)...sometime this weekend. because that's all i have right now. hope. and visions of us being together again.

i so miss him (a screen capture from our last US to iraq skype)!