deb schwedhelm photography

thoughts for max and his family

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 21:18:00 +0000

max. seven years old. started his first day of 2nd grade yesterday. the middle child, with an older sister and a younger brother. a boy who loves video games, star wars and WWII aircraft. a boy with the biggest heart and the best smile. a boy, who is dying of neuroblastoma.

max's cancer has now spread from his bones (skull, spine, femurs and ribs) into his lungs, abdomen, liver and kidneys, despite continual treatment. they are going to be starting palliative radiation today on his liver b/c max's enlarged liver is causing him so much pain. they are hoping that the radiation relieves some of the pressure in his abdominal area so that he can be more comfortable. my heart aches for max and his family. to tell you the truth, i've basically been in tears all day about this.

the mikulak family and i have become more than photographer / client, we have become friends and i adore them. i adore their love, strength and courage. they are amazing and truly have embraced the words live life to the max.

i have discussed photographing max with max's parents in-depth and i will continue to photograph max at least once a week (probably much more) until he is pain free. you can see max's photoblog (mashed potatoes for breakfast) here and his regular blog here.

if you're the praying kind, please say a prayer for max and his family. and if you stop by his blog, please share some thoughts of strength and support. even though i see them all often, i still cannot fathom the pain they are all going through right now.

one day at a time.

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 06:05:00 +0000

one day at a time...
this is enough.
do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.
- author unknown

Deb Schwedhelm Photography

the beach

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:09:00 +0000

when i walk to the beach on a cloudy morning
i hear the waves from the ocean say welcome
i take off my sandals and feel the sand tickle my feet like a gentle touch
the salty wind blows through my hair like wind blowing through a horse's mane
seagulls sit on mounds that were once sandcastles
i walk down to the water seeing the shells
while the icy water licks my feet
i keep walking and see the endless sand
the ocean brings down the seaweed, as gifts to me
it is time to go back now...
once i get out of the sand, i take a deep breath and wave good-bye.
- kiele marston, age 11

today, we spent a wonderful day at laguna beach, meeting new friends. friends through photography. friends i hope i will be able to call life long. and on the way home, kiele wrote the above poem...in about 10 minutes. her abilities blow my mind. the beach...the first poem in her new poem spiral notebook. she inspires me more than words can say.

and a special thank you to those who believed in kiele through the years. truly, i thank you. she wouldn't be where she is today without you.

I
AM
BLESSED!

Deb Schwedhelm Photography

flashes of light

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:35:00 +0000

knowledge does not come to us in details, but in flashes of light from heaven.
- henry david thoreau

Deb Schwedhelm Photography

max and his magic water

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:37:00 +0000

i hope everyone who reads my blog knows that i also post weekly on the mashed potatoes for breakfast blog, and then ends up reading max's regular blog. i know it's a lot to hope for but i do. just in case, i wanted to share this here--

there are a couple magic water project fundraisers coming up next month, which i will be participating in.

the first one is a 5-mile walk, on september 7th, in an effort to raise at least $15,000, for a new scanner at rady's children hospital in san diego. i will be walking. you can read more about the fundraiser and if interested, pledge here.

the second fundraising event will take place on september 24th, at casa blanca salon and spa, from 3-6:30 PM. it will include various spa stations and a silent auction. i will be donating a number of prints to be auctioned off and possibly a photo session.

the photo in the above flyer was from back in december 2007, when i first met max. since then, his cancer has continued to progress and his health has significantly declined. today, his cancer indicators (certain lab values) are very high and continue to rapidly climb. he's not walking. he's dealing with nausea, constipation and leg, neck and head pain. and he's going through a new chemo combination, which his parents say is likely their last shot at stopping max's cancer.

please, if you haven't in the past, please consider donating to the magic water project's 5-mile walk or if you're local, attending the spa event fundraiser. you can read more about the magic water project foundation here and max here and here.

dreams begin with a dreamer

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:49:00 +0000

every great dream begins with a dreamer.
always remember...
you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion
to reach for the stars and change the world.
- harriet tubman

i'm so happy to share with you my new website.

i still, to this day...cannot believe that i'm living my dream. i'm a photographer doing what i love and am so passionate about. doing what i used to only dream about. i'm not sure if i'll change the world but i sure hope that i can bring happiness and inspiration into peoples lives with my photography.

making memories

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:21:00 +0000

as we grow together, change together, dream together, cry together, laugh together, i will look back on our days and cherish each and every one. the past may be gone forever and who knows what the future holds, but our todays are making memories of tomorrow.
- author unknown

yesterday, we went to my dear friend, leah's house, for dinner and then a photo session of my family. i had ideas of what it was going to be like, but it wasn't. it's so different being in front of the camera. and this time, it all ended up being such a learning and growing and...in the end, a pretty emotional experience for me.

almost every time i shoot a family session, i'm telling a parent (or parents) to relax and not worry about the kids...that i'll worry about the kids. last night, as i kept worrying about my kids, i realized how tough, yet important that really is. sometimes the best, most meaningful images, are those where someone is not looking at the camera. or maybe the focus isn't perfect. but the moment is captured. the moment of being together and loving one another, is captured.

i learned that...
it's not about looking perfect. acting perfect. or being perfect.
it's not about the perfect pose or the 'perfect' picture.
it's about being together as a family.
capturing moments together.
having fun together.
that's what's important.

this whole experience has been emotional for me...more than usual b/c of steve's deployment being right around the corner. i dropped him off at the airport this morning, for three weeks of training in HI, and it's almost like a preparation separation for us, for our seven months apart. so these photos...these photos of us together...are so incredibly special.

i can't thank leah enough for taking the time to photograph our family and process the photos. for capturing the moments together that i, myself, cannot. i will forever cherish these photos...my family photos.
thanks again leah...
for everything.
love ya pal.

here's a few of my favorites...

tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:26:00 +0000

deep in thought she lies
emotive girl; soulful eyes
tomorrow a smile
- steve aldrich

this haiku was created by a photography friend, a friend whom i have never met. he created the haiku specifically for this image. i read it. i loved it. i asked him if i could share his words on my blog. i thought what he wrote couldn't be more perfect.

i can't explain how wonderful it is to have a photograph be more than just a photograph...to be a photograph that evokes thought and emotion. this is what i long to capture every time i shoot.

thanks again steve, for sharing your beautiful haiku.

also, i wanted to share this, from kiele's deaf itinerent teacher, who came to kiele's deaf/hard-of-hearing play performance yesterday. i am beyond proud of kiele and the amazing child she is...through and through!!

Well, I just have to say it again...Kiele was fantastic and she really made the show. I know I'm biased, but Lew is not and he said she was the real actress in the group and the glue in the show. She radiates on stage and off. And I felt her speech stood out, I was just so proud of her! She is amazing Deb, and I don't just mean today...as I've said before, she's got it all, she's smart, so responsible, so naturally sweet from the inside out, sensitive, kind, beautiful. And you share in her success, your drive and perseverance in not letting "professionals" make decisions which could have limited her in being able to achieve her dreams have led her to where she is and where she is going...I can't wait to see where she is going! I was so touched by her today and just had to share with you how much joy she gives me. Every time she came on stage I got teary!

expanded by one

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 07:19:00 +0000

she softened gradually, melting in the light of the sun, all the while thinking, O, this is what it's like to be a planet and suddenly it was over and the universe expanded by one.
- storypeople

pause

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 04:12:00 +0000

if a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as michelangelo painted, or beethoven composed music, or shakespeare wrote poetry. he should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- martin luther king, jr.

this wasn't the quote i had envisioned to go with this image but oh, i love it so and think that in the end, it's just perfect!

no matter what you do in life, do it well and do it proud. do it so well that people can't help but pause...in awe.

i try and remember daily to let others know how much i appreciate what they're doing...no matter how big or small their role might seem.

it doesn't happen all at once

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 18:53:00 +0000

it doesn't happen all at once, said the skin horse. you become. it takes a long time. that's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. but these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
- velveteen rabbit

keep your dream alive

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:32:00 +0000

keep your dreams alive.
understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination and dedication.
remember all things are possible for those who believe.
- gail devers

have you been watching the olympics? man, it's been exciting.

and tonight...jumping up and down for the US men's gymnastics.

i was just so darn happy for them. talking about a dream come true for those guys. talking about never giving up hope. talking about determination. wow!!

while so many doubted what they could do, they believed in themselves. they never gave up...and they medaled. they did it!

passion and focus

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:15:00 +0000

passion is energy. feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.
- oprah winfrey

so, i'll admit...i love reality TV. and i really love so you think you can dance. have you seen it? if not, DVR the next season. i watch these dancers, with such passion for what they do, and i get the chills. i could watch them dance over and over again. and sometimes i do. because feeling that way feels good. you can feel their passion...in the way they dance. in the way they talk about their dancing.

i want to photograph the way these people dance. and i want people to feel about my photography the way i feel when i watch these dancers dance.

photography is my passion.
photography is my dream.
photography excites me.
it excites me beyond words.

whatever your passion, go for it. what do you have to lose. life is too short and there's nothing better than feeling the power of what excites you!

our deepest fear

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:47:00 +0000

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. we ask ourselves, "who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?" actually, who are you not to be? your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- maryanne williamson

for the shine challenge on self portrait challenge

you are you

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:12:00 +0000

today you are you, that is truer than true.
there is no one alive who is youer than you.
- dr seuss

both these girls...one mine and the other, the daughter of one of my best friends...they both have minds of their own. both of us (leah and i) let them do their own thing...for the most part. they are strong. they are opinionated. they are determined. they are soulful. they are unique. they are...
they!

mine...

leah's...

art. happiness.

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 23:26:00 +0000

art is unquestionably one of the purest and highest elements in human happiness. it trains the mind through the eye, and the eye through the mind. as the sun colors flowers, so does art color life.
- john lubbock

real friendships

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:23:00 +0000

when friendships are real, they are not glass threads, or frostwork, but the solidest things we know. a friend is the first person who comes in when the whole world has gone out.
- author unknown

i had the most awesome time, out to dinner with friends last night.

i adore and cherish my friends. thank you for being such a special part of my life!

planting gardens of hope

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:25:00 +0000

when we share the beauty of the human spirit, we plant a garden of hope within every life we touch.
- author unknown

yesterday, i had the most wonderful opportunity to meet and photograph the sandstrom family. as most of you probably have noticed, i don't post much in regards to client sessions, etc. so why am i posting about the sandstroms?

i am posting about kirsten and her family because they are amazingly inspirational. kirsten, 35, is the mother of three young boys, and was recently diagnosed with adrenal cancer, which has metastasized to her lungs and liver. she is currently going through chemo and handling it with such grace, hope, dignity and strength, it's beyond words.

i've probably written this blog post 20 different times right now, trying to find the right words and i'm not sure i can...or ever will. just know that this family is amazing and i'm so dang thankful that i can share my gift of photography with such a deserving family.

....................................

tonight, at dinner, steve and i talked a bunch about kirsten and he told me how proud he is of me for doing things like this. he agreed that THIS is what it's all about. the business...the money...doesn't matter. it's this. this is what it's all about. fighting back the tears, i was so thankful to hear this from him...that he 'gets it'. he gets my desire to do things like photograph max...and kirsten. he gets it. he gets me. and he supports me.

i've said this before and i'll say it again...
i think i've been given this gift of photography for a reason. hell yea, i'm driven and want to go far with my regular photography work but i am blessed and i will do my best to touch lives with my photography and plant as many gardens of hope as i can.

cherish every moment

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 06:00:00 +0000

time is a companion who reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again.
- author unknown

i could scream this quote at myself right now.

only four weeks left before steve leaves for iraq. he's not actually leaving until october, but between now and then, it goes something like this...home this week, gone the following, home one week, gone for three weeks, etc. and these times here and away are constantly changing...an extra week gone, home a few days earlier. not always easy, when i try to keep track of things and plan accordingly.

and of course, in saying the above about cherishing every moment, i was on the computer way too much tonight...and still am. [kicking myself]

and...i have to take more photos of steve. more photos of steve with the kids. for pete's sake...i'm a photographer. what's my deal? my house should be filled with photos of steve and the kids. but it's not. it's funny b/c everyone thinks that as a photographer, i have a ton of photos of my kids (and my husband). but that's not true. sure i have photos. but they're all the great photos. the spontaneity of picture taking seems to have been sucked away and in exchange, i was given this gift of being a professional photographer. yes, there are professional photographers that also continue to take snapshots of their family. but not me...it's almost as if i made a trade. and i'm not happy about it. i want to do both. i keep telling myself...time and time again....that i have to take more snapshots (i used to be the queen of snapshots) but i don't. [kicking myself again]

i must take more snapshots of my family.
i must take more snapshots of my family.
i must take photos of steve with the kids.
i must take photos of steve with the kids.

and i will continue the chant as i go to sleep tonight.

....................................

today, when i photographed max, our families got together...we met at starbucks in del mar and walked to the powerhouse park and had the most wonderful time. i was happy that steve got to meet the mikulak family. it was important to me, since i spend a lot of time with them (shooting max). i wanted steve to experience first hand how wonderful max and his family are.

and today...
i did get a few shots of steve and ryder together. nothing earth shattering, but symbolic. steve and ryder, watching the train zip by...as i watch time zip by.

good night.

i must take more snapshots of my family.
i must take more snapshots of my family.
i must take photos of steve with the kids.
i must take photos of steve with the kids.

hoping

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:38:00 +0000

while i breathe,
i hope.
- latin proverb

done for a friend. her little boy just had a liver and bowel transplant yesterday. they are out of their home, now in a hospital in LA. soon moving to a temporary apartment, while A's body recovers, accepts and heals. mom is pregnant and due in three weeks. they are such amazing, wonderful and strong family.

to A and his family, with all i have, i send to you
strength, love, prayers and...
hope.

an officer and a gentleman

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 06:44:00 +0000

who knows what tomorrow brings.
in a world, few hearts survive.
all i know is the way i feel.
when it's real, i keep it alive.
- joe cocker

i was 13.
the lights came on and i was still sobbing.
it was my favorite movie then.
26 years later, it's still one of my all time favorite movies.

my 18 year old sister-in-law, teresa, is visiting and we were talking about movies to rent / watch. i mentioned an officer and a gentleman and she had never watched it...or even heard of it. i told her she has to watch it, while she's with me. so we did last night. and she loved it.

me: did you love it?
teresa: yea, it's not you're typical movie. it was so good.
me: i told you so.

and now, 26 years later, i sit and watch it and think...i'm living that fairy tale ending. i was whisked off my feet by MY officer and gentleman. okay...so it was in a bar instead of a factory but still. as sappy as it sounds, it's true. i have the most amazing husband. he is greater than i even dreamed. he's not only an amazing husband, he is the most incredible father to our children.

..........................

we've been chatting. skyping, to be exact. it blows my mind to think that he is in iraq and i can chat with him...hear him...see him. seriously blows my mind. of course, there's times when i long to talk with him and can't but i can't complain...not one bit. i get to TALK to my husband, who is in iraq, every day. that is incredible. i was thinking the other day about the spouses in previous wars, and how they had to anxiously wait for the occasional letter to come in the mail. here i am anxiously waiting for a daily televideo call...that is insane. i am thankful. i am blessed. and i will never complain.

here's tonight...us talking a million miles away (okay, maybe it's not a million but it feels that way). the last shot, steve was blowing me a kiss, as he said good-bye b/c he had to hurry and hop on a helo flight back to kuwait.

stepping stones

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:19:00 +0000

difficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping stones to greater experiences. perhaps someday you wil be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. when one door closes, another always opens.
- author unknown

new

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 06:22:00 +0000

what you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. and this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. right now.
- author unknown

have a good life

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:31:00 +0000

you know, raise kids.
have a good life.
be a good friend.
and try to be completely who you are.
and figure out what you personally love.
and like go after it with everything you've got no matter how much it takes.
- angelina jolie

steve is in iraq. steve's sister, teresa, is visiting for a week. this evening, teresa, sky, ryder and i went to visit my dear friend, leah, in orange. volvo is in the shop so we took the jeep wrangler, which has the back window out and is loud as can be. a one and a half hour drive. it's too loud to talk. you just have to try and listen to the music...through the howling of the wind and roar of the traffic. on the way home, around 10 PM, the following transpired:

sky: hey mom....mom.
me: [turns down the radio] what sky?
sky: is that the red hot chili peppers?
me: i don't know who this is?
teresa: [giggling] it is.
me: really?
me: sky, it is red hot chili peppers. how did you know that?
sky: because katie told me so.
teresa and i: look at each other and laugh.

okay. so...i didn't know that the song we were listening to was the red hot chili peppers but my five year old DID. sure, it was because her friend told her BUT her friend is five too. and how did sky retain that most pertinent bit of information after hearing it once. i'm so in trouble in about five or so years.

and so i share this shot...from the other day at the beach. ryder, sky, katie and a family friend.

and man, i so love my kids.

changes

noreply@blogger.com (debsphotographs) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:43:00 +0000

if you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change.
- wayne dyer

i am a firm believer that change is good. and thank goodness b/c my life has to often change, whether i'm ready or not. whether i like it or not.

last week, we were a complete family. this week, we are minus two. kiele left last friday, for a month with her dad. steve left monday, for three weeks in iraq. he will come home and then leave again a few days later, for a week in DC. something i didn't know until a couple days before he left. from now until may 2009, we have five weeks left with steve. and you betcha, i'm counting. cherishing every day that that we have him here with us, at home.

my family...we must be willing to accept change and adapt. we must allow ourselves to say that the change is okay and that we'll be okay. i must assume the role of mother and father. the kids must accept the role of a child without their father around. steve has to be away from his family. sure, some days are tougher than others but through it all, i have to just do my best, be strong and think positive. and teach my kids to do the same.

for the moment, i prepare myself. and i prepare my family. for the inevitable change that is now right around the corner.

.....................................

i close with pics of steve's CT scan, from when he fractured his face. he is now almost completely better except his smile is changed. hopefully this change is temporary (if not, we'll love him the same). hopefully his facial nerve was only traumatized and not permanently damaged. when he smiles, only half of his face smiles. the other half keeps trying to keep up but doesn't fully cooperate and do what it's supposed to do.