recently, looking for feedback and thoughts from other photographers, a photographer friend shared this (i’m sharing with you, with her permission):
I jumped into this business without a plan without knowing what I was truly getting into. I thought it would be easy, I thought it would be easy money, I thought I could do it all at night while the kids slept. Working outside the home was something I never wanted to do. I don’t do it for the money; I don’t have to work. I would rather downsize than be in a position where I had to work. I always wanted to be there 110% percent for my kids like my mom was for me. And I’m not, I am failing miserably in those areas. Yes, I am a perfectionist so I am hard on myself, but truly I am failing.
Allow me to explain…photography consumes me. It’s gotten better with time, but it still consumes me. I get ugly and nasty when I am on the computer. It drives me nuts to be interrupted when I am on the computer and I basically turn into the HULK when someone tries to talk to me or ask me a question. It’s awful and I hate it but yet I still do it!
Before photography I used to have a clean house, super clean house, you could eat off the floors clean house. I need clean to feel relaxed. I used to workout 4-5 times a week. I used to teach kickboxing. I used to cook healthy breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I used to hang out with friends. I used to have people over. I used to go to weekly Bible Studies. I used to read to my kids and rock them to sleep at night. I used to watch tv with my husband. I used to go to bed at the same time as my husband. I used to plan elaborate birthday parties for my kids. I used to help in my kids classes and do lunch duty. I used to plan crafts for my kids. I used to play playdough. I used to take the kids to the zoo and parks. And on and on the list goes.
i could have written so many of her words myself. my friends and i often talk about this–not letting photography consume us, finding the balance, getting off the computer, being a better mother, being a better wife…balance, balance, balance. and yes, finding the time to just breathe. deeply.
many people think that having a photography business and working from home would be easy. it is so not easy; it’s damn hard. working from home is the toughest job i’ve ever had. what’s easy is–getting caught up in editing photos. and blogs, flickr, facebook, twitter, etc. and when we spend hours doing that, we call it networking. and of course, we need to network, right? that’s what we tell our spouses.
my goal in 2010 is to truly be on the computer less and be with my family more. i mean really present with my family. not just sitting in the same room with them–my butt on the computer chair and all of them on the couch. one photographer mentioned that at 3 PM, she shuts off her computer and doesn’t turn it back on until her kids are in bed. i think i’m going to start doing that. and you know what, if i can’t make it work, then i need to take on less clients. there’s no reason i should be giving my photography business more than 40 hours a week, but i do (most do!).
one of the things i remember most about my dad is that after he came home from work, all he did was sit and read the paper. ugh…that’s one of my biggest memories? 
as things stand right now, i know that one of my kids biggest memories would be, my mom spent most of her time on the computer. and that makes me so sad!! the time to change is now!! they’re young enough that i can transform that memory. i want my kids to have memories of me laughing, playing, sharing and doing projects with them. i want my kids to have memories of me truly being present with them.
for aspiring photographers, with families–don’t rush. do things right. take the time to enjoy. and work hard to find balance and structure from the very beginning as it truly is one of the most important things. and one of the easiest things to spiral out of control.
just yesterday, this article came out yesterday in the NY times–this hobby looks like hard work, an article about building a career on etsy. how yes, it is possible to make a lot of money doing what you love, working from home and selling on etsy, but…it’s also a hell of lot of hard work. i loved this final quote in the article:
what’s the point of doing something you love, if you’re too exhausted to do what you love?
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yes yes yes.
YES.
to all of it
what is the point in doing something you love…
if it starts to get stressful and turn into a ‘job’ a ‘chore’ take away from things that you really really love.
i think that what is most difficult for people working from home, from hobby- is that they don’t get to close up the office at night, and go home and take off their work clothes.
it starts from when they wake up- juggling other duties along with work. answering work e-mails while checking the milk and bread situation for a grocery list.
there are no set times for when ‘work mode’ and ‘family mode’
i think it’s a great idea to turn off the computer or quit all work related activity at a certain time each day. even setting an alarm for that time every day so you don’t work through it. ‘oh but i just have a few more to get done and i’ll be finished!’
sometimes when you work for a living with your hobby- you forget to enjoy it and do it for relaxation.. for yourself.. for something that you loooove love love.
wow okay. too long of a comment.
ha. you summed it all up.
finding balance is difficult as is, i don’t know how working mothers find balance in their careers, hobbies, selves, children, and partners.
you’re all goddesses.
xo
trying to keep the tears from spilling over as i read this because i’ve been fighting these feelings so much this season. i can’t believe christmas is one week away and i’ve been so stuck on the computer that i feel like i’m missing out. like you, i don’t want my children’s biggest memories to be their mom on the computer…and yet, i know they feel that way now. got to change.
forgot to add that working full-time in an office is certainly challenging, but it is much easier than working from home and trying to juggle it ALL.
Thank you. I’m leaving the computer now to go play with my girls.
This is so good, thank you.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I read this…thank you for sharing, and forcing me to face the fact that my (short) life is passing me by. I appreciate your openness. Thank you.
I’m struggling with this exact thing. I don’t even like getting my camera out for family stuff any more. I know I’ll just have to edit them later. I’ve decided this next year to work less. I’ve made it a conscious decision to take no more than one session a week. And who knows, maybe I’ll take months off at a time. I want to reclaim my life back. I want photography to be fun again.
amazing post. i so needed to read it too.
so thank you.
recently my 2.5 year old said ‘mommy, go sit at your computer’ when i sat down to eat with her at night. she is so used to me trying to fit in work anytime she is still. ugh. such a reality check for me.
Loved this post. Just what I needed to read this time of year. So true.
Wow, my kids tell me this all the time, “Mom, you are on the computer too much.” Sometimes it is work, mostly it is stupid stuff that has no real value. I have been convicted over and over to limit my time on the computer. This post hit me like a 2×4 between the eyebrows. Here’s to turning the computer off when the kids are home from school and going to bed at the same time as my husband…instead of surfing the web. Thanks Deb.
thanks Deb for the great reminder! this really hits home…it’s oh so true.
“as things stand right now, i know that one of my kids biggest memories would be, my mom spent most of her time on the computer.”
Just finished writing to a friend that I was almost in tears over a very similar thought I had yesterday when I was looking at my children’s school pictures from just a few years ago.
sigh.
oh deb, i love this. going to bed now to cuddle with my girl.
Just getting caught up on my “Deb-fix” for the week – and am speechless at this article. Mostly because it resonates through me like a knife. How encouraging to know I’m not the only one letting things slide, losing track of what’s important, seeking and finding that “mythical” balance.
Always so inspired here, I hope you realize what a great community you’ve created, thank you.
Thank you. I really needed to read this as I am preparing to write out my goals for 2010. This post just gave me a great starting point. Thank you.
woah. I haven’t been to your blog in months and always find something delicious, but this post… well it’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. And working from home, it’s so easy to forget that others are feeling this exact. same. way. i don’t have kids yet so my philosophy has been to work as much as possible before we do have them, but all work and no play is taking a hard toll on everything else. I really appreciate this post. I need to make some time for some 2010 goals and resolutions. Thanks Deb, and commenters too.
It stings that this hits so close to home for me. My daughter was spilling over with joy that it’s almost Christmas and wanted to know why I wasn’t as excited as her. I realized that I hate the holiday season right now, I’ve hated it for at least five or six years now, she is nine so that’s more than half her life, but I remember how much I used to love it. I would decorate, bake, and make handmade ornaments and crafts with the kids. Now I’m too busy and stressed to enjoy it. Something’s gotta give, my family and their memories NEED to be more important!