there, i publicly said it. and having to do them in five different states and nine different schools sucks that much more. sorry for my frankness here but i think most parents, who have gone through the process, would agree that individual education plans (IEPs) just plain ‘ole suck. if you don’t know what an IEP is, consider yourself lucky!!
i wonder…do educators understand the anxiety that an IEP produces for parents? i mean REALLY understand? maybe only those few, who happen to have a child, with a disability, themselves. i get teary just thinking about the IEP, let alone sitting at the table…as, what’s suppose to be, an equal team member.
i have made myself about crazy as i prepare for kiele’s IEP tomorrow morning. i sit here…cautiously optimistic and then that other side creeps in and says, they’re going to fuck with you. be prepared — and then i begin to freak out. yes, i’ve done a great job thus far. i know that. but i have three years left. and i can’t let anything get screwed up. kiele’s come too far. and she’s doing too amazing. i’ve simply done what i was supposed to do and must continue to do so until she is ready to advocate for herself (and hopefully by that time, i will have taught her well).
it’s
just
so
HARD.
my advice to mommas of children with disabilities or needs, who are dealing with the special education system…
know your stuff.
and the laws.
research.
research.
and more research.
find other parents with children with a similar disability…
kiele absolutely would not be where she is today without the knowledge and insight i gained from other parents.
there can be a wealth of information in organizations and forums (check them out).
stay strong.
know that only YOU will truly advocate for your child…
and that you know your child best.
fight for what’s appropriate (and know the buzz words).
find that one person within the educational system who is on your side…
who is willing to fight the system and risk their career if it’s the right (or shall i say appropriate) thing to do.
listen to others but know that your child’s situation is absolutely unique.
years ago, i thought that i would pursue a career in special ed advocacy. who knows…i still might. along with photography, it’s something that i’m deeply passionate about.
thank you maura and diane. the two of you taught me everything i know and created the advocacy monster that i am today. love you both dearly!!
as i go into my 11th IEP meeting, i can’t help but reminisce…
shortly after kiele was diagnosed with a progressive hearing impairment (age 3 | may 2000)
kiele’s cochlear implant surgery, post-op day two (age 6 | sep 2003)
her treasures. an image from when i first started photography (age 9 | 2006)
on her birthday (age 14 | couple weeks ago)
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
having been on the other side of IEP’s and having to write them and prepare for them and work with parents, lawyers, teachers, specialists, bus drivers, district representatives, etc, i would totally agree with you…they suck. they do for everyone. they are just plain stressful. and yet they are so essential for the student. everyone (at least parents and good teachers and service providers) wants to get them right. but IEP’s are part of the reason i left teaching special ed.
i totally admire how educated you’ve become and how you learn and know your stuff to be able to go in and make sure kiele gets what she needs to succeed. a parent is the strongest advocate…even stronger than a teacher who cares deeply about your child and wants the best for them.
good luck tomorrow. i hope it goes smoothly (as possible). considering how much they suck. i’ll be thinking about you…
Well said. I couldn’t agree more. It’s exhausting, but so worth the fight.
Having a brother with a disability, I’ve seen the angst it causes my mother. I saw her come home so many times crying and frustrated with a system that was broken- from people telling her that things couldn’t happen, etc. Unfortunately my mother didnt have the gusto that you have and got pushed around a lot. Kiele is lucky to have you
hi deb! I have a bff who has struggled w/IEP’s w/her 14 yo son who has ADHD and some learning disabilities. She has hired an “educational advocate” and it has made a huge difference. She’d be happy to share her experience, just e-mail me if you want to connect w/her. Best wishes for tomorrow!
tracey
Agree!! I’ve been going to them since my now almost 11th grader was in the second grade. By the time we got one for her younger brother, I knew the system inside and out. I have had do battle several times. In the beginning the very best investment we made was to hire a Advocate, of course it took a while to pay that bill but at least we got the services she needed. Still, in High School where she now sits in on them, I HATE them! Research, Research, Research is the key. Good Luck, stand your Ground. Jamie
I’m with Crystalyn….they SUCK for us too! I am a speech language pathologist, and in my school district, you can not get an eligibility of Autism without me. I can not tell you how many times the night before an initial IEP (the first time we tell the parents what we think is “wrong” and how we think we can “fix” it) I feel ill. This year, a kindergarten teacher asked me…how do you do it…does it always feel like this (she had said her stomach was doing flip flops all night too). I told her yes…it always does, and I’m glad it does. If I felt nothing….that would be worse! I hope your night before and your IEP goes well tomorrow. I will be thinking of you tomorrow too…as I sit in an IEP of my own for one of my students. Good Luck! (and there’s always due process…the district people love that (insert sarcastic tone))! Nikki
you are such a beautiful, wonderful person and an even more beautiful and wonderful mother. Kiele is so blessed to have you there to fight so hard for her…fighting because you know how truly amazing she is and that she deserves nothing less than the best. xoxo
LOVE her shirt in that last pic btw – WAY too perfect!!
i don’t believe i could have said it better. there is nothing worse than sitting at a table with 7+ professionals who not only disagree (with you and each other) on what would be best for the child, but on HOW TO EVEN COMPLETE THE IEP FORM. i am right there with you, and i have only had 3 IEP meetings so far. we have a long way to go. it makes me feel a little better to know there are other mothers who have gone through this and can relate. you are right, we are the best advocate for our girls, and it is infuriating when that is challenged by an educator. baby steps…we will get there. you inspire me to continue advocating, even when others don’t view it that way
Deb – great post, beautiful photos, and that shirt is TDF. <3
Deb- I love how honest you are. We are just starting down the IEP road. I feel like I have a blind fold on, and they are speaking french. I will start researching more, thank you for the tip. Anyway…. I really needed to post a comment is because I LOVE her shirt! That made me smile. Thanks for the post tonight.