a few weeks ago, i found a lump in my breast. i ignored it for weeks, thinking i was imagining things. that i wouldn’t feel it tomorrow. but i always felt it. over and over again, the pea-sized lump was present. so finally, i made an appointment with the MD, to confirm what i already knew. yep, the lump really was there. she scheduled me for a mammogram. i already had had one two years ago in san diego. normal.
so this past friday, i had my diagnostic mammogram and a bilateral ultrasound. nothing abnormal was shown on mammogram. and i’m assuming that the ultrasound was normal because no additional tests were ordered. i should know for sure in the coming days.
but the whole process stirred a flurry of thoughts and emotions. most impacting was telling steve. i think he was actually more worried than i was.
his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at my age.
she died six months later.
steve was five.
steve’s dad was left with three children, one of them being hearing impaired.
i couldn’t help but think about the possibility of breast cancer, no matter how much i tried not to…and believe me, i tried.
i share all this for a couple reasons…
as parents, we do such a great job at making sure our kids see doctors and get their appropriate check-ups, tests, immunizations, etc. but what about YOU?
especially in the case of a mammogram. seriously, pain free. 10 minutes. done. so simple. i’ve now had two and neither hurt one bit. so what, my boobs were squished. better than breast cancer, surgery, radiation and chemotherapy.
i had thought about blogging about my lump. and my mammogram. and then i came across this photo on facebook and well, i knew i had to blog about it.
the scar project fricken blows my mind in amazing-ness. you can see the entire gallery of images here.
© david jay | the SCAR project
i love the SCAR project tag line – surviving cancer. absolute reality. and i’m excited to see that he’s now offering a book. wishing the exhibition would go on tour. although, i have no doubt that one day it will.
i hope you’ll go make your necessary appointments. you deserve it. your children deserve it.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
because my friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer- and recently had a double mastectomy.. every time i’m in the shower- my hands instantly go to my breast. checking… wanting to make sure i *know* them.
these past weeks, as i heard from you about this lump- throughout the day i’d randomly press my hand to my breast- with you heavy on my mind.
xo
love you deb.
:::deep breath:::
thank you for sharing, deb. what an important message made so much more meaningful by your own experience. i’m late for my annual pelvic & breast exam by about 2.5 years & I just made the appointment. My mom had uterine cancer when she was my age (before the pancreatic cancer that killed her). I used to be really on top of my check-ups, but its has fallen off of my radar for the past couple years. I appreciate the reminder!!!
and… i love you. xo
My grandmother died from breast cancer.. twenty five years later my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and is doing well. I started getting mammograms at 35 and never made it past the 6 month mark. EVERY time I went in something new was found.. 8 biopsies and two years later I went in and consulted with a general surgeon and a plastic surgeon. Both had two totally different plans. I had a skin sparing mastectomy on both of my breast with the idea I would keep my nipples. But.. during surgery the blood supply to my left nipple was nipped so I eventually lost it. I immediately started reconstruction.. which took almost a year. Yes it was physically and MENTALLY draining..
Please Please keep up with your mammograms do NOT let them go by. My mom had lump popped up in between her yearly appointment.
(((((HUGS)))) I hope everything will be ok.. and here’s what the doctor told me.. People dont die from breast cancer if its caught early. Its the ones that poke their head in the sand and let it go to long before reporting the finding. Hang in there..
i still dont get it… why people dont do cosmetic surgeries to make everything look good? why on earth are they proudly showcasing their scars..? i do respect them for battling their diseases and telling their stories. but there is no need for scars on women body.
A powerful post, thank you for sharing.
We all have our own stories to tell. My mom was one that avoided doctors (and dentists!) at all costs. She spent her days caring for her family but never herself. I don’t know how long she waited before finding that lump and going to see a doctor; I was only 13 and my parents kept me in the dark as much as possible. She spent the next seven years battling cancer that had spread from her breast eventually to her brain.
Now that I’m a mom myself, and my kids are missing out on knowing their grandmother, I can’t help but feel bitter, which in turn makes me feel guilty. What if she’d had regular check-ups, taken better care of herself?
Thank you for the reminder, Deb, and I hope everything turns out for the best!
Hope all the tests come back clear.
((hugs)) to all of you
amazing. just unbelievably incredible.
Deb, sorry about he scare, but I’m glad to hear that everything seems to be ok. I myself had a large lump removed about 8 years ago, I know how scary it is to consider the possibility of facing breast cancer…
I do have to offer a different opinion on mammograms though. I know they can save lives if there’s already a suspicion of breast cancer, but routine mammography actually increases your risk of having breast cancer, as you get exposed to large amounts of radiation during such exams. Google ‘dangers of mammograms’. Here are just a few examples:
http://arizonaadvancedmedicine.com/articles/mammography_guidelines.html
http://preventdisease.com/news/08/112108_mammography.shtml
http://www.preventcancer.com/patients/mammography/dangers.htm
There are always two sides to the coin. Unfortunately, we often only hear about one side, so we have to dig deeper to learn about the other side of the coin…
thanks so much for sharing olya. i haven’t investigated mammography dangers or alternatives myself but have recently heard that there are more holistic methods, in breast cancer detection. i will definitely be looking into your shared links in the future.
I’m guilty of putting doctor visits last on my list. Thanks for sharing this, Deb.. I hope everything comes back normal …
The SCAR project is such an incredibly powerful project.
Very moving photo Deb – so real and vulnerable but strong & united as well. So sorry for the emotional roller coaster you have been through this past week and so glad all is ok
Thank you Deb!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this Deb! I found a lump when I was 20 and waited THREE months before telling my mom. And the second I did it finally made it real. As if by NOT telling anyone it wasn’t there. I was too young for a mammogram but they did try, to no avail. I finally had it removed and it was benign, thank goodness. The whole journey has never left me though and I am diligent about self exams until I’m old enough to actually get routine mammograms. I loved seeing the images of David Jay’s and am so so grateful you shared this link. I pray that if I am ever in that situation again and the news isn’t as good, I would be brave enough and love myself enough to let someone photograph me. So powerful and such a good reminder to love yourself as you are, today. Thanks again.
Amazing, powerful work. Thank you so much for sharing.
Wow! what an eye opener! I always do my mameograms and have had areas that were on watch.
These photos are a good reminder to do a check every week or so.
Deb, thank you so much for sharing. Even though my current issue is not with a lump, it’s true that I am that person who will let things linger and linger and wish them away when it comes to my health. Got a call from my doctor’s office just yesterday that my iron counts and stores are dangerously low; not a big deal at all, but a huge scary thing for me all the same. Thanks for the nudge. . . even if I wasn’t in your “cross hairs” on this.
my mom has had breast cancer twice ( stage one both times different breasts ) she is fine now.. but because of her history I have been going for mammogram’s for years now.. so far fine.. but its always in the back of my mind… please keep us posted on whats going on with you.. I will keep you in my thoughts..
Damnit, Deb. OK, I will. I have never had one, I don’t want one, I’m 43 with big boobs and 3 daughters, LOL. The 3 daughters are way more important than the boobs. I’ll get one this year, I PROMISE. I don’t even remember the last time I went to a doctor, but I will do this.
thanks for deciding to post.
I just wrote down, ten minutes ago, on tomorrow’s to-do list, ‘make doctors appmt’.
And then I ended up here.
Been having some strange pains and have been avoiding going. I also had that breast lump (years ago) that turned out to be nothing. Good for you for going to get checked out.
Deb.. I love your blogs.. This was the most beautiful things i have seen.. Thanks so very much for sharing this.. These women are totally Beautiful, and We are all so in awe of them. What a wonderful thing they have shared with us.. I think so many families are touched by Cancer, and so many of them to scared to discuss it much less share this in depth.. THANK YOU beautiful ladies for this..
I’m 33 years old. I’ve found three lumps so far. I’ve had two mammograms, a bunch of ultrasounds, a nuclear medicine scan, a needle aspiration, and two biopsies. And NO CANCER. It’s always best to get it checked out (no matter how many times it takes!) rather than try to ignore it. People (especially me) tend to imagine the worst, but you could come out with very good news. (Cysts in my case.)