be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
- mother teresa
the countdown has begun. that countdown that i've been dreading, but is happening none-the-less. steve leaves a week from today. that day will be my birthday. i will kiss him good-bye, knowing that the next time i see him, things will be different. we will all be 7 months older and whether we like it or not, things will have changed.
i'm sad. i'm strong. the words go hand in hand at the moment. i can't help the sadness. i must be strong. strong for my kids.
these last days, before his departure, are difficult. it's a battle with one's self--trying to stay connected, yet knowing that the disconnection has begun without my approval.
it's a coping mechanism, i share with my friends. i don't want to shy away from my husband, yet it's happening. i guess it will make the good-bye a bit easier, i tell myself.
i begin doing more and more things by myself, without his input. i begin looking inward more. i begin to get quiet, when he is around. i try and stay busy. and he doesn't argue with any of my senseless doings. i think he feels guilty. and sad. he doesn't want to go. he has to go. this is what he was trained to do.
+++++++
the other day, i had to leave the house for a 6 AM shoot. steve got the kids ready and off to school. when i got home, in the afternoon, sky was so proud to show me the braids that daddy did. and he was too. i laughed a little.
what's so funny, steve says. it's not funny. it's adorable, i said with a smile. i have to get my camera.
these little things. these little things that my husband does each and every day--i will miss them. i will remember them. i will remember the small things and the big things that steve does for the kids and i. i will cherish the memories and hold them tight, until new memories can once again be created. i will draw strength from the memories. steve will not be here by my side, but he will be with me, and he will help keep me strong. soon, a new countdown will begin...the countdown until steve returns home and our family is once again complete.
- mother teresa
the countdown has begun. that countdown that i've been dreading, but is happening none-the-less. steve leaves a week from today. that day will be my birthday. i will kiss him good-bye, knowing that the next time i see him, things will be different. we will all be 7 months older and whether we like it or not, things will have changed.
i'm sad. i'm strong. the words go hand in hand at the moment. i can't help the sadness. i must be strong. strong for my kids.
these last days, before his departure, are difficult. it's a battle with one's self--trying to stay connected, yet knowing that the disconnection has begun without my approval.
it's a coping mechanism, i share with my friends. i don't want to shy away from my husband, yet it's happening. i guess it will make the good-bye a bit easier, i tell myself.
i begin doing more and more things by myself, without his input. i begin looking inward more. i begin to get quiet, when he is around. i try and stay busy. and he doesn't argue with any of my senseless doings. i think he feels guilty. and sad. he doesn't want to go. he has to go. this is what he was trained to do.
+++++++
the other day, i had to leave the house for a 6 AM shoot. steve got the kids ready and off to school. when i got home, in the afternoon, sky was so proud to show me the braids that daddy did. and he was too. i laughed a little.
what's so funny, steve says. it's not funny. it's adorable, i said with a smile. i have to get my camera.
these little things. these little things that my husband does each and every day--i will miss them. i will remember them. i will remember the small things and the big things that steve does for the kids and i. i will cherish the memories and hold them tight, until new memories can once again be created. i will draw strength from the memories. steve will not be here by my side, but he will be with me, and he will help keep me strong. soon, a new countdown will begin...the countdown until steve returns home and our family is once again complete.
Oh Deb. I do not know how you do it. I have nothing but admiration for your strength.
Deb- I look always, I cry, I search, I am sad that Steve is having to go away from the family. But I have faith in your strength, and your gift as a photographer to keep you going for the 7 long months till your family is whole.
you are pure strength, wisdom and beauty.
keep sharing your raw and unfiltered feelings here and with others. this is how we heal.
there is no wrong or right way to be with all this. just you be-ing, however it is you are in the moment is what those who care for you, need from you.
i can imagine he knows down deep all of this...without explanation. he gets it.
love,
denise