in 1997, i had my first child. she was beautiful. my treasure. my everything. at four months, i thought kiele was deaf (she didn't respond to sounds) so i requested to have her hearing tested (in 1997, they didn't have the newborn screen; it was implemented six months after kiele was born). they did an ABR on her and she failed. she failed because she wasn't completely asleep, they told me. in the following months, she seemed to respond like any other baby and kiele was never tested again. even today, i live with the guilt of this. i was a nurse. i should have known better. she should have been followed up.

at six months, kiele was diagnosed with plagiocephaly (flattening of her head) and had to wear a DOC band (helmet) for four months. no big deal...just a little bump in the road and lots of trips from tucson to phoenix. and quite a few stares (DOC bands weren't as common in 1997).

as a toddler, she did great. her developmental and speech/language skills progressed normally, according to *my books*. i thought it was so cute how instead of saying "shhh", kiele would blow on her finger. and she loved to play with the volume of the TV. she would turn it blasting. i would turn it to regular volume. we'd go back and forth until kiele eventually turned the volume all the way off. just the normal toddler stuff...so i thought.

it wasn't until kiele had a terrible virus and couldn't stop vomitting. my friend, laurie valdez (a pediatric nurse practitioner that i worked with in the davis-monthan family practice clinic), offered to come in on the weekend (when the clinic was closed) to hydrate kiele. we sat there for hours. she, kiele and i, just talked and talked (well, we talked; kiele laid there). then she said, do you think kiele's talking okay? i remember the words like it was yesterday. but it's not; it was seven years ago. yea, i think she's talking fine. she's hitting all the landmarks. laurie replied, why don't we send her for a speech eval anyways. okay, i said. shoot, i didn't care. it wouldn't hurt, right? so the evening went on, casual conversation between friends. that night, kiele ended up being admitted to the hospital with severe dehydration and a bilateral ear infection.

a few weeks later, kiele (age 2 1/2), had her speech evaluation and she passed. she's not fully annunciating her words; she's dropping some end consanants but she'll catch up with that on her own, that's what the speech therapist told me at the end of the evaluation. as part of the formal evaluation, they did a hearing test and that's when it all began. kiele failed. and she failed again. and again. it was march 30, 2000, kiele (2 3/4) was diagnosed with "a moderate degree of hearing loss". what? what do you mean? how bad is it? she needs hearing aids? do we need to learn sign language? what? what? what?

my world was rocked that day. i went from a parent of a "normal", hearing child to a parent of a special needs, hearing-impaired child. things went quickly. it's a blur, really. kiele was immediately enrolled in the AZ school for the deaf and the blind, attending an all day, every day program. she received loaner hearing aids until insurance approved a pair that kiele could call her own. kiele put her very first pair of hearing aids on right around her third birthday. yes, my world was rocked but i wasn't scared. it didn't matter. she was my child and i was going to do and give her whatever she needed. i didn't love her any less. maybe i even loved her a bit more (if that was possible). over the months, kiele had test after test. she was officially diagnosed with a moderate to severe hearing loss and a severe to profound speech-language delay. kiele was in a classroom with other hard-of-hearing and deaf oral kids, taught by a teacher of the deaf. she saw an audiologist, an auditory-verbal therapist and a speech therapist on a daily basis.

time went on and kiele's hearing loss progressed. she kept getting tested, as any newly hearing impaired child would and her hearing aids kept getting adjusted. i began to wonder, will my child eventually be deaf? will she lose all her hearing one day? later that year, i went through a divorce and then in december 2000, we moved to fort walton beach, florida (i was an active duty air force nurse and they sent me to eglin air force base). they didn't have the programs that tucson had. kiele was enrolled in an early intervention preschool programs (half the kids were special needs and half were "normal"). i wasn't really sure what to expect, being relatively new to the whole special needs thing. it went rather well. kiele got what i thought she needed, although if i knew then what i know now, she would have gotten a lot more there. luckily, kiele had a great audiologist in florida (she, too, was hearing impaired). we stayed in florida through the middle of kiele's first grade. at the end of our stay in florida, kiele's hearing got bad enough that i started inquiring about a cochlear implant and what the device was all about. i discussed it with kiele's audiologist and she thought that kiele's hearing wasn't bad enough and her speech/language was too good; she wouldn't qualify. i still kept it in the back of my mind. kiele, at age five, also got diagnosed as being far-sighted with strabismus (her eye crossed), while we were in florida.

in march 2003, now married to steve, i left the air force and moved to whidbey island, WA, where steve was stationed. immediately, i began pursuing a cochlear implant for kiele. now with a severe to profound hearing loss, the WA audiologist that kiele saw still didn't think that she would qualify. it didn't matter to me. i was determined. by this time, i knew it was the right thing for kiele. kiele still had lots of educational delays but there was also a lot of social impact, e.g. kiele would only play with one friend; if another friend or friends came along, kiele would come running home b/c she could read one person's lips but she couldn't read everyone's lips, while playing.

so, this is where the story really begins. the cochlear implant process is intense. they don't just evaluate the child's hearing; they evaluate speech, social, etc. the parents and home situation are also evaluated. i was prepared. i had kiele's audiograms all graphed out (seperately and all on one page), to visually document progression. i also had a three page document, where i shared my thoughts about kiele's hearing loss, the impact it had on her, and what i thought the cochlear implant would do for kiele. the first audiologist said that kiele, now age six, didn't qualify. i was immediately saddened. i knew kiele had so much potential. i knew she was a great hearing aid user (most audiologists couldn't believe how kiele did as well as she did with her amount of hearing loss). i knew that kiele was so smart and b/c of that, i felt she was being punished. she wouldn't get a cochlear implant b/c she excelled with her hearing aids. but they weren't with kiele day to day. they didn't see her struggle in the classroom. they didn't see her run home b/c more than one friend was playing. i just didn't get it. and then...i'm not exactly sure how it happened...the head of the audiology department decided to evaluate kiele and basically made her fail. she tested kiele with adult words, instead of child words. speech/language comprehension is a huge part of the cochlear implant evaluation. so, it happened, kiele was going to receive a cochlear implant. her surgery was in september 30, 2003. i didn't doubt my decision to have her implanted for a second. not one second. find out more information on cochlear implants here.

living on whidbey island was tough. the school had not only never had a child with a cochlear implant, they had never heard of a cochlear implant. kiele's first grade teacher was great but rather old school and resistant to change. and, my job as kiele's parent was to ensure that kiele had everything that she needed (that was appropriate for her needs), while in the mainstream classroom. the teacher wasn't happy because that involved implementing things like an FM system. kiele's case manager, who was also her speech therapist, just didn't get it and basically fought me with everything. we were like oil and water and butted heads with everything. she thought i was a crazy parent, requesting things that were unnecessary. but, i thought different and i had every special education law researched and documented to prove that what i was requesting was "appropriate" (huge buzz word in special ed). the breaking point was when kiele's first grade teacher said that she thought kiele would be better off at the deaf school, which was 40 minutes away (they had a total communication program, where they did signing and talked but only sign for two hours of every day). i was upset and frustrated but knew i had to keep fighting for kiele. she was mainstreamed in her zoned school and that's where she belonged. i ended up contacting the WA state deaf/hard of hearing representative to consult with. she not only said i was requesting the appropriate things, but also said that she would come to kiele's next IEP and advocate for kiele. she told me that she would be fair and if i was requesting things that weren't appropriate, she wouldn't be able to bat for me. i didn't care, fair is what i wanted. all of a sudden, i wasn't the crazy parent asking for absurd things; i got everything that i requested because it was appropriate. it was fair. it was right. while at whidbey island, i travelled 2-3 times per week to seattle, which was a two-hour one way trip for kiele's appointments and therapy. it didn't matter. i would have driven 10 hours, if i had to. i would have done anything for kiele.

in january 2004, the navy moved us to san diego (because of kiele's needs). wow, what a difference. the school district has been amazing. i have to say that it's largely due to carol (i can't remember her last name), who was my very initial contact; she attached kiele to diane levy, who became kiele's deaf itinerant teacher. diane is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. she got kiele. she understood kiele's potential. she does things because it's what is right for the child. kiele has also had the most amazing, supportive teachers, while here--ms. gage, ms. hill and ms. o'donavan. while each one is different, the one thing that they are the same is that they each fully believed in kiele. all of a sudden, i didn't have to fight for everything. if it was appropriate, kiele got it.

fast forward to today. every year, the kids go through a standardized state test, the STAR test. last year, kiele scored basic in english-language arts and proficient in math. while some said, "that's great', i felt differently. i knew kiele had so much more potential. well, i got her this year's STAR report today (from the end of year 4th grade testing) and her results blew me away. my eyes immediately filled with tears as i read her results. i just thought to myself. i knew it. i knew it. i was the most proud mommy on earth at that very moment and i immediately went in her room to tell her how very proud i am of her.

kiele scored advanced for english-language and proficient (almost advanced) for math. Specifically, she scored the following percentages:
word analysis and vocabulary development: 94%
reading comprehension: 80%
literary response and analysis: 100%
written conventions: 72%
writing strategies: 67%
writing applications: 50%

decimals, fractions and negative numbers: 82%
operations and factoring: 93%
algebra and functions: 89%
measurement and geometry: 92%
statistics, data analysis and probability 50%

so here is the girl that struggled with reading and school in general, in first grade. here is the girl that some so didn't believe in; they were willing to send her off to the deaf program in another school because they thought she couldn't handle the mainstream program. here is the girl whose new principal recently said, have you considered sending her to the hearing impaired program at the other school; it's a really good program. well, no i haven't considered it? why not? because why should i? kiele's kicking ass at this school; that's why. here is the girl who works her butt off each and every day. here is the girl who reads an entire book in a day simply because she just truly loves to read. here is the girl who is passionate about life and doesn't know she's any different than anyone else. and you know why...because she's not. kiele's cochlear implant is no different than her glasses. she wears glasses to help her see. she wears a cochlear implant to help her hear. does her glasses make her different? nope. does her cochlear implant make her different? nope. she is just like everyone else. and man, i'm so dang proud. i almost can't stand it. i knew it. i knew it.

so i say to anyone and everyone. don't stop believing and don't stop fighting. do your research. learn as much as you can about any condition, disability, etc. your child might have. fight till you can fight no more. but, also know your limits. there's some things that would be nice but are they really necessary?...probably not. i'd rather fight my ass off for what kiele truly needs and will help her learn and excel. know who you're working with. find your ally or allies. they are key.

one of these days, i'm going to begin my next fight, for research on borderline candidates and how cochlear implants benefit these children. sure, there's tons of research on the benefits of implanting a deaf babies and children. but there's not much research on the benefits of implanting borderline children. and let me tell you, it's HUGE! not only academically but socially. HUGE! i would love to present some time or maybe publish an article. with two little ones, i haven't been able to tackle this but i know that time will come. it will come and hopefully in the near future.

if you know anyone that might benefit from my post, please, please pass on the link and encourage them to read.

i want to thank all those who have helped, encouraged, educated and believed in kiele and our family. thank you from the bottom of my heart (you know who you are!). we couldn't have done it without you. kiele couldn't have done it without you.

and lastly, to kiele because i know that you will read this someday: know that i would fight for you until i had not a single ounce of strength left to fight. you are one special little girl. you have taught me more about life than i ever imagined. words cannot describe how proud i am of you. you have a goodness about you that exceeds anything a parent could instill or teach you. you are my hero. i have no doubt that you will grow up to do amazing things in this world. thank you for being you. i love you!

the photo is from today. kiele was in her room, working hard on her menu for tomorrow's lemonade stand that she's doing with her friends. on the menu: lemonade, chocolate chip cookies and pokeman cards :-)

(please note that this is in no way meant to be a deaf versus hearing post. we all make our decisions and mine was to implant kiele. but that doesn't mean i think anything less of those who make a different decision or those who are deaf.)

i grabbed the famous world war II kiss off the web to show my client, in comparison with their kiss from yesterday, and thought i would share here too. at the end of the homecoming, i asked them if they would be willing to do a kiss like the famous world war II kiss and they were happy to do so. martin said that if it involved kissing his wife, he'd be willing to do any and every photo i wanted. i couldn't remember too much what the wwII kiss photo looked like; i just remembered that it involved a dip. so i shared that with them and they went for it, in their own way. i so love the way it turned out, similar but not too similar.

so, here they are:

the world war II kiss


and my present day antietam kiss

really yummy food for my soul...that's what my session was today.

one of my client's, nicole, who has also become a great friend, hired me to photograph her husband's military homecoming. he was gone on the antietam ship in the persian gulf and after SEVEN long months, he arrived back home this morning.

photographing homecomings is not something i normally do so i was a little nervous, well no...i was a lot nervous and excited (i slept a total of about a half hour last night). i just wanted to give nicole everything she had dreamed and hoped for with these photos. we had been talking about them for months. i knew this time, this moment, was so special for them, as a family.

i arrived at the naval base at about 7:30 AM (the ship was due in at 9 AM). nicole greeted me with a warm hug and a hot cup of starbucks :-), such a great way to start the morning. shortly after my arrival, the shooting began and...i had such an amazing time. after shooting for about 2 1/2 hours, i left there feeling energized and refreshed. driving home, i couldn't stop thinking about how the whole thing felt therapeutic; so good for my soul.

these images are only the first few (i have so many). the only image that was posed in this series is the modern kiss shot. the rest was just the them being them.

nicole, i hope that i present you with all the photographs you dreamed for and more. thanks for being such a wonderful person and a great friend.

WAITING FOR DADDY



PREPARED


THE FIRST MOMENT


LOVE



THE MODERN KISS


A TRUE HERO

i sat back and watched...
trying to soak up everything about today's time on the beach.
the vast green-blue ocean, full of wonder, possibilities, fear and hope.
the endless blue sky with still no sign of rain.
the whisps of clouds floating in the sky.
the cool and aggressive breeze keeping me slightly chilled.
the specks of gold glistening in the sand.
the four-ship of pelicans soaring uniformly, yet freely, looking ever so closely for their next meal.
the ship. the gigantic vessel. moving slowly across the sea. resembling a child's toy from the distance.
the three military boats perfectly aligned and spaced, only to spark my curiosity as to what they are doing.
the various aircraft flying overhead. jets. tankers. helos.
one can't help but stare in awe.

i sat back and watched...
my three children running across the barren beach.
jumping the waves.
playing with sand toys and building sand castles.
hunting for the next best shell, so excited to show me each and every magnificent treasure.
their faces and bodies covered with sand and salt.

it was just us on the beach, the military portion of coronado's beach. no one else for miles of the open sand except for the training military seals. i watch these future seals. i watch them in awe. first two appear. they run up and down the hill, into the water, only to immediately get back up and run back up and down the hill. my guess is that they were fullfilling their assigned punishment. later it's the whole unit of trainees. they all do the same, although push-ups are now added in the series. then they gather together in formation and being to run, in the opposite direction as us. i can't help but watch them as they fade into the distance. thinking about these seals, i am fascinated. these men running up and down the beach, doing exactly what they are told, time and time again, are being trained...trained to possibly kill someday or at the least aggressively fight the enemy. all this amazing beauty on the beach and these guys are training...training to fight, win and even kill, if necessary. the beach. the military seals. they amaze me, each for their own reason.

sitting on this beach always seems to result in a catharsis of emotions and feelings for me. no one is watching. no one is listening. it's a time when my mind can wander and free itself. it's just me and my thoughts and an occasional book. but i always give myself time to sit back, think, soak it all in and simply enjoy. being in the military, i'm thankful for the opportunity to live here and be able to experience this on a regular basis.

the beach photo attahced to this entry was from my maternity session yesterday. it was what i saw when i arrived. magnificent and amazing. click on the photo to view larger.

a client contacted me a while back about booking a maternity / newborn session. a number of emails transpired between the two of us and then she booked. in a recent email, she said she thought it would be nice if i knew a little about she and her husband; she is a police officer and he is a teacher. well, i always wonder what my clients are going to look like, not that it matters but i just can't help it. it's kind of like a big mystery. i get clues via emails and sometimes the phone, but then finally, on the day of our session, i get to meet them and the mystery is solved. so my mind started churning. police officer, huh? tough? rough? i wondered. i had some thoughts in my head about how she was going to look...couldn't help it. and of course, i couldn't help but think of the reality show, "cops".

so i was supposed to shoot the couple this past weekend but had to reschedule them for today, due to my being sick. well...she didn't look anything like i thought. i even told her, you don't look like a cop. i guess i was just expecting someone rough and tough. i'm sure she's actually very tough (you have to be to be a cop, right?!) but she was very beautiful and elegant. and man, were they fun to shoot. they were so in love and of course, she glowed. the first photo below is a new favorite of mine. i totally dug his tattoo. and the fact that his belt didn't run through two of the loops. i love that; it just adds more character to the photo.

oh...and, can you believe that she's due in three weeks. she looks amazing.

C and D, thanks so much for the wonderful time.
i can't wait to meet your little one.

the only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.
- david viscott

i'm happy to say that today was a much better day. thank you to all those who emailed me with kind words and chatted with me over the past few days. i kept believing that tomorrow would be a better day and i'm happy that tomorrow finally came.

also today, i emailed a bit back and forth with a photographer friend, the ever-so-talented britt woodall. she's not only talented...she's young and talented. without a doubt, that girl has such a future ahead of her. one of the things we chatted about was dreaming big. you...we...all of us have to dream big. and you have to go for it. i remind myself of this often. i guess it all means more to me now that i'm older...and now that i'm doing something i love to do. i don't have time to waste. i have big dreams and i will go for each and every one of them. i know i can do it. i know i can!

on a little side note, i had to take kiele to children's hospital today for a cat scan. it's no big deal, just an evaluation for enlarged vestibular aqueduct. what's that? well, from what i understand, when a cochlear implant child has enlarged vestibular adqueduct, the fluid in the space where the array of electrodes is located fluctuates. this fluctuation causes a shift in necessary energy to hear, which results in a needed cochlear implant mapping (programming adjustment). kind of complicated but really...it would validate why kiele needs mappings often. okay, on with the reason for this part of the entry. so we're walking through the hospital and we walk by the pediatric intensive care unit and there was something inside of me that was drawn, that kind of longed for it. i can't really explain it but for a moment, i thought maybe i could do nursing again. i don't know...maybe someday there will be a way for me to combine the two--photography and nursing. i don't think i'll ever go back to nursing, even part time, but i was surprised at the feelings i had as i walked by the unit. i guess there's a part of me that will always have a little love for nursing, whether i realize it or not. i guess too many years spent in the profession not to.

my apologies for not blogging sooner. i have a good reason though. i've been sick for about five days now. i knew i'd get sick. that's what happens when you lay down with your two year old every night (to get him to go to sleep) and he coughs in your face for the first 15 minutes. so now i have what ryder had, just worse. i've been coughing like crazy. luckily, i had a couple great clients this weekend, who understood and were willing to reschedule.

and then...drama. have i mentioned that i hate drama. i'm just too old. and i don't want to deal with it. well, my weekend was filled with it. the worst being a neighbor of mine, saturday evening:

ding dong (at midnight)
(steve enters the room...he had just gone to bed)
steve: was that the door bell.
deb: yep, get it.
steve: who is it?
deb: i don't know. just get it.
(female neighbor standing at the door)
neighbor: will you guys stop [bleepin] call security. we have our in-laws at the house and you guys need to stop this [bleep].
steve: we didn't call security.
neighbor: i know you guys did. you do it all the time.
steve: we didn't call security.
(deb stands up from computer)
deb: we didn't call security.
neighbor: you guys did. we know you [bleepin] did. who else would do it? you do it all the time.
deb: we didn't call security!! come on...let's call security and we'll get this straightened out right now.
neighbor: we know you [bleepin] did. why don't you guys just mind your own [beepin] business.
deb: i'll call security right now and put them on speaker phone. we can settle this right here. you can hear security say that we weren't the ones that called.
(more transpires but can't remember exact wording...lots and lots of cussing though)
neighbor: at least i work. why don't you [bleepin] get a job and stop staring out your window. you [bleepin] [bleep].
deb: grow up. just grow up.
neighbor: [bleep] you [bleep]. like your kids aren't out in the street screaming at 7 AM.
deb: nope, we're not even up at 7 AM. just grow up.
neighbor: just stay the [bleep] on your side of the street. stay in your pay grade.
steve: likewise.
(neighbor walks across the grass cussing and hollering, back to her house)

on sunday, steve takes the kids to the park and i'm working (yes, i do work) on the computer, which is right next to my front door. my neighbor and her daughter, stop in their car in front of my house and just sit there and flip me off. not a drive by...they sit there. when steve got home, i told him what happened. he said, "i'm going over there. i'm going to discuss this with him man to man. this has to stop". and steve did...he went to the neighbor's house and talked to the dad (the active duty member...we live in military housing). steve comes home and says he thinks that things will be fine. the guy apologized and said that he will talk to his wife and daughter. well, not even five minutes later, they flip me off again...and again.

just to clear things up for those reading and/or wondering:
we didn't call security.
we did call the police three weeks ago (along with two other neighbors) b/c people were fighting on the front lawn and cussing / hollering at each other.
i don't stare out my kids window. my kitchen window is right where the sink/counter is so they probably see me there a lot.
i do have a job :-)

so that is part of what has stressed me out this weekend. i'm trying hard not to let them get to me and definitely not let them intimidate me. however, the whole thing just sucks. yesterday, i was super bummed out, thinking i have to change things. i have to change my way of thinking. this is just a little hurdle that i will get over. i can't let things (beyond my control) get the best of me.

live life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten
- natasha bedingfield

so, with that chapter over and a new chapter beginning, i attack life with arms wide open.

it's just one of those (grumpy) days. everyone has them. today is one of mine.

drawing is courtesy of sky. she drew it for me one day when she was sad (b/c i fussed at her). she didn't say anything, just presented me with the drawing. and today...i present it to you.

underoos.

do you remember underoos? i do. i don't think they sell official "underoos" anymore but ebay does...starting at $21.99, mint in box, from 1979. how funny is that. maybe i should get ryder a vintage pair just for giggles. did i just refer to my days of growing up as vintage? ugh.

the stores do sell underoo type of underwear though and my guy loves them. as a matter of fact, they have become his underwear, shorts and pajamas. he just keeps cycling through. he wears them everywhere. sometimes he matches and other times...well, i call him the ultimate super hero...wearing a superman bottom with a spiderman top or maybe an incredibles bottom with a batman top. and then there's the times when he adds the ponytail holders on his wrists...we call those his wonderboy bracelets. :-) i'm sure people are laughing at me but shoot, i don't care. ryder picks the outfits out by himself; he loves them; he's proud of himself and...i'm proud!

and [drumroll], the really big news:
ryder is so officially potty trained. he doesn't even pee while he's sleeping anymore. i'm so excited. and to tell you the truth, i kind of can't believe it. yay. yay. [doing a no more diapers dance.]

best friends forever...that's what they are, kiele and natalie.

both nat's mom and i agree, their friendship is something special. natalie (8) is here visiting kiele (10), from florida. natalie's dad is in the air force. he was stationed here for 10 months last year, while attending grad school. we were next door neighbors for seven of those 10 months (long story). natalie and family moved to florida about a year ago.

kiele pulled out her "Friends Forever" notebook since natalie was coming over. yesterday (with kiele nad nat's permission), natalie's mom and i read what the girls had written in the notebook. here's their first journal entry.

February 19, 2006

Best Friends Forever!
Dear Best Friends forever book. This is what we have to say: Thank you for our friendship and all that we have. Without each other we would be down every singel day. We want to make this book because we want to remember our childhood speshle friendship time when we are adults. Why we also made this book is because we love and care about each chuther. When we move we will still be together forever. We will never forget eachether even when we are apart. We will still be able to see eachether. We know that some day we will bump into each other and will be sooooo happy to see each other again.

Love,
Kiele and Natalie

they have multiple journal entries since then and kiele has saved all the cards that natalie has sent her over the past year. it's pretty magical.

here's some photos of the girls together and nat's little sister (i did a session the other day of nat and her sister and then a few of kiele and nat together).

there was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead;
and when she was good
she was very, very good.
(and we'll leave it at that :-)
- adapted from henry wadsworth longfellow quotes

three separate girls with lots and lots of curls this weekend....and i so loved it.

sky: i need some lipstick.
me: why?
sky: my lips are rude.
me: what do you mean your lips are rude?
sky: they're saying mean things.
me: oh yea.
sky: yea.
me: hmmm. well, what is the lipstick going to do for your lips.
sky: make them stop.

where in the heck do kids come up with some of the things they say. i couldn't help but laugh at her at the time and then later, i revisted the story and asked her what her lips were being rude about. she told me they were saying things like 'i don't like you' to her brother. i told her that she needed to tell her lips to stop saying that, with or without lipstick. quite a story to try and get some lipstick, huh?

and ryder...
another bitter sweet hurdle conquered (i think). today is day three of potty training. no diaper at all today. he's still having an accident or two each day but overall, doing great. i just can't believe it. i dreamed for this day, this day of no more diapers. and just a few weeks ago, i settled on the fact that ryder wasn't going to be potty trained in time for preschool this year (they have to be three and potty trained to attend...ryder gets to go younger [he'll be three the end of Dec] b/c he has a sibling at the preschool). then the other day, out of the blue, he wanted to go potty in the toilet. woo hoo. and it's been potty on the toilet ever since. but like i said, it's bitter sweet; another sure sign of my baby boy growing up and that part makes me sad. my baby is growing up...and growing up too fast. :-(

the photos below:

the photo of sky is one of my new favorites "a single tear". she was fine (i don't even remember what she had cried about)...i had turned to look at her and noticed this single little tear on her face. i hurried and got my camera and got this photograph, which i so love.

the other photo obviously was real flowing tears...of temper tantrum, not necessarily sadness. it's what happens when mommy takes photos of skyler instead of him. he says he wants his picture taken but then he doesn't look, moves all around, etc. when i try. poor guy.

i know my husband doesn't realize how proud i am of him...but damn, i am SO PROUD of my husband...as a naval explosive ordnance disposal (EOD) officer, husband, father and best friend!!

steve shared an article with me today (he emailed it to me from work), and as i read it, i couldn't help but tear up at how proud i am of him and his fellow EOD comrades. it's amazing how these guys are special operations guys (comparable to SEALS, etc.), yet you don't hear much about the EOD guys. you hear about pilots, seals, etc. fighting the war in iraq but who really hears about the accompliments of EOD guys. and of course, if you met my husband, you'd never guess that taking apart bombs was his job. it's funny b/c i'd have to say that most of the EOD guys are like that...they don't seem hard core...they don't seem like they would take apart bombs for a living.

you can read the article here.

when you read the article, don't forget to view the associated photos. oh, how i would love to have that job but...i know my husband would rather have me photograph hungry, wild tigers face to face in the jungle. as a side note, most know that i was an active duty air force nurse for 10 years. a couple years ago, i tried to get back in to the reserves as a military photographer but they wouldn't let me (once the nurse corps has you...they have you). hmmm...maybe i'll try again one of these days. i would love that!

the photo is from steve's EOD graduation in 2001. he's holding the class plaque that he and a couple others put together.

p.s. steve and i met at eglin air force base, fort walton beach, FL, where i was an active duty nurse and he was going through EOD school.

p.s.s. getting some updated cool photos of my husband is on my to-do list...soon!

photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving.
what you have caught on film is captured forever...
it remembers little things,
long after you have forgotten.
- aaron siskind

the kids and i went shooting today, at a neighbors house. the house is for sale, old and full of textures. i got this shot of the kids and i just love it. i love it for the details...the little things that will so quickly change. hopefully i will never forget these little things, but as far as kiele is concerned, i will. she says the worst thing about old age (me being of old age) is that you lose your memory. ;-) gotta love it.

the little things...
the subtle signs of growing up on one face
another, wanting so bad that her brother looks so they can be done
tan lines
a dirty mouth
messy hair
a fading tattoo
a body covered with pen and marker marks
wonder boy bracelets (aka ponytail holders)
the 2nd day of big boy undies (fruitstripe fashion)
the gentle grasp of sky's dress

i love...
the little things.

the official flyer for the no limits deaf/hard of hearing theatre group's san diego performance.

saturday, august 18th, at 1 and 3 PM
at the lyceum theatre, in downtown horton plaza
$10 for adults
$5 for children 12 and under

please RSVP to 310.335.1225 or nolimitsg@aol.com

kiele, my oldest, is one of the oral deaf actors in this play. these shows are amazing. i so hope that i will see some of you there.

i had a session the other day with two kids (the little girl just turned three and the boy was eight). i could hear mom's hesitancy in her voice regarding her three year old, who she referred to as her "free spirit". you could see that she was a bit of a spit-fire. she reminded me so much of my four-year-old, skyler. well, i asked mom if she would be willing to let me take the kids by myself, starting with the little girl. she was like, "are you sure." yep, i'm sure. many times, children are best behaved when the parents aren't around. skyler is like this...she's the most well behaved angel for anyone and everyone else. and of course, i like it because i, like the children, don't feel the pressure of the parents lurking in the background. so, the entire session, mom just let me do my thing with the kids. she trusted me with the kids, both personally and photographically.

many parents want their child(ren) to "smile" but 99% of the time, when that happens, it's not a real smile and it will show in the photograph. also, many parents don't realize the beauty of a natural expression. and i love natural expressions. i have to admit, i was a bit worried that this mom wasn't going to like the natural expressions quite as much as i did. but i sent her a sneak peek yesterday and she loved them.

thanks C, for trusting me with the kids and trusting me to do my thing.

Deb! I am absolutely blown away by these photos. I had high expectations because I had seen your fantastic work -- but this has already far exceeded my expectations! I called my mother right away even though it was late at night & made her look at them. She started crying (happy tears, of course). You must know what a difference your work makes to people. It is priceless to capture a moment of childhood, parenthood, family, etc. And that is what you do. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Talk to you soon. Thanks again for the amazing "sneak peek"!
J

i try and send my clients a sneak peek from their session, while i'm finishing the editing. when i sent J hers, she replied with the above. and yes, that's what it's all about for me. photography is my passion. getting this type of reaction from my clients is my dream.

and J, thank YOU for allowing me the honor of photographing your precious little 'chosen' guy.

seize the day
relish the night
live to the fullest
know love
cherish family
count the stars
dream
go places
sail away
be a friend
always do your best
climb high
seek knowledge
be a star
stay on target
believe in you

it's that time again. the no limits theatre group is coming to san diego. each child actor in the show is an oral deaf or hard of hearing child (and kiele is one of them). if you haven't seen a no limits show, it is nothing short of amazing. last year, the show was a huge success with a fabulous turnout. i'm hoping this year, we can do even better. the show, "It Begins with a Dream" will take place at the lyceum theatre (downtown in horton plaza), on august 18th, at 2 and 4 PM. i will be selling tickets next week and they can also be purchased at the door. please come support these kids, who can do it...they have no limits.

these photographs are a couple of the shots that i took today for this year's playbill.