"follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. ask questions, then feel the answer. learn to trust your heart."
-- author unknown

after my first session this morning, i played a little. i walked around balboa park and shot with my macro lens. it was fun and refreshing. this shot was part of the inside of a rose. then, after balboa park, i was off to my second session. now, i'm off to las vegas to photograph my best friend's newborn (born thursday, april 26th). it's going to be a quick trip for me--back monday night.

while in vegas, i'm planning to take some time to just sit back, be quiet and listen...listen to my heart.

yay!!! i found out today that i officially got the may/june cover of military spouse magazine.

i wasn't sure if i was going to get the cover because the magazine originally used abc art and sent it for print on friday. i photographed The Bachelor's, Andy Badwin, at the last minute and the only way the magazine was going to be able to one of my photographs was to break printing blue line, which costs additional money. that meant that they *really* had to like my photograph to end up using it. while i was hopeful, i just wasn't sure. well...they loved this photograph of andy and ran with it. ultimately it was up to the magazine's general manager and he loved it. all of this happened in a matter of a few days. kind of crazy but...so loving this journey. thank you to all those who believe in me and have supported me. i couldn't do it without you.

you're probably getting sick of me saying it but...truly i do. i heart what i do.

this image is one of my new all time fav images. these girls are sisters and obviously beautiful. i just can't get over the way their bodies are so naturally forming the shape of a heart (their arms...their heads down to their arms). thanks kell and erin for a great time today.

lastly, i wanted to let everyone know that i have a workshop coming up this week so if you don't hear much from me, that's why. proofing galleries are probably going to be a bit delayed, but i promise to be working on them every chance i get.

i had the honor of photographing Andy Baldwin, star of ABC's The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman, yesterday. :-)

i have rewritten this blog entry about 10 times now and each time, i feel that what i write doesn't do justice to the emotions i feel and what i really want to express. i still am not sure exactly what to say but i will start with this...
painfully evocative
overwehlming sadness
i couldn't swallow
my heart ached
i sobbed
no child should have to experience this
no parent should have to watch their child go through this
brilliantly captured and relayed

renee c. byer
winner of the 2007 pulitzer prize for feature photography
her photos can be viewed here

i have a friend, who isn't exactly happy in her job at the moment, and we emailed a bit back and forth tonight. in one of her emails, she sent me this:

"you, however.
have a cool job.
right now
i want to be you.
with three kids.
one who hates pink lemonade. but loves everyone around her.
a daughter who wears, plaid. and stripes. and hearts. altogether. proudly...and with gusto.
a barefoot boy. little lamb with messy hair. and vibrance. and unexplainable adoration of a fruit stripe shirt."

i read it and first got the chills and then i got teary. she's so right. i have the greatest jobs in the world.
i love my jobs--
wife
mother
photographer

sometimes i get caught up in the chaos of trying to masterfully balance the three but truly, through it all, i am one lucky girl to be blessed with such awesome jobs. i am so thankful to have such a supportive husband, to have three amazing kids and to proudly say "i'm a photographer and i love what i do".

the photos of my kids were taken today, while playing at the park.

"I hate the pink lemonade that Mom and Steve make me drink"

that's what we found written outside on the patio. i guess she was bored...ha ha! you would think we were actually forcing the poor nine year old to drink pink lemonade. we weren't...just made her try it. :-)

lots of kid stories these days. hopefully i'm not boring you too much but...well...i can't help myself.

i took this photo of ryder today for no other reason than to remember the moment...remember the shirt. a couple days ago, i blogged about this shirt being his favorite. well, today...it was confirmed. i think this shirt has become another lovey or something. he wants to wear it every day, morning, noon and night. i'm not sure why. he just does. there's nothing special about the shirt as far as i can tell but...it sure must be magical.

today, ryder went into the laundry hamper to get the shirt--the dirty shirt--which he had worn yesterday. and just moments after bringing it to me, i discovered that he had pulled every shirt out of his drawers and threw them all over his room (my guess...a frantic search for the shirt). later, after his bath, i put him in his pajamas (ones that he picked out, of course) and the next thing i know, he has the shirt on again, inside out over his pajamas. he fussed enough about his pajama shirt that steve took it off and let ryder wear the shirt by itself. so tonight, ryder went to bed in the shirt, a dirty shirt, a shirt he loves and is not worth fighting over.

p.s. i never had this problem with my two girls.

she laid on my chest
and her breathing
filled me
almost to beyond what I could hold.
-- brian andreas

this photo was from a family shoot i did last weekend. they were here from vegas. of course, almost their whole time here, it was cloudy and drizzly but...we had a great time.

yin and yang
do not exclude each other
are interdependent
consume and support each other
transform into one another
part of yin is in yang
part of yang is in yin
represent light and dark

these two have been the best of friends since 18 months old. today, they are both just shy of age four. alex moves this thursday, to PA. i don't know if, when they're older, they'll remember being one another's first friend but...i do know that they'll always have this "first best friend" photograph to treasure for a lifetime.

"here momma...we have some flowers for you."

the little ones are always giving me little flowers that they picked here and there and i so love it. truly, they make my heart melt. i love their little flowers.

oh my ryder...he's definitely two. he's a bit of a challenge these days and when you combine the basic challenges of a two year old with a sister that is only 18 months older, some days i feel like i might go crazy. lol. i have many stories these days that i could share but so i don't bore you all too much, i've chosen two to share: shirt stripes and fruit stripes.

shirt stripes - how can i make it through two girls' toddler years and not have one trouble with dressing them. i have a boy and...he demands to dress himself. he has to choose the shirt and pants and the pants always seem to end up pajama bottom (often floods). so...i let him (b/c it's not worth the fight) and he walks around all day in pajama pants and some random shirt. and that random shirt...well, it often ends up being this orange striped shirt. what is it about this shirt that he loves so much? hmmmm...only ryder knows.

and fruit stripes - oh my. when i'm getting ready to go to the car, ryder often gets there before me (to the car and inside the car, when its unlocked). well today, when packing things up for the gym (putting on my shoes, grabbing waters, grabbing my purse, etc.), off he went. when i got to the car, i found about 20 fruit stripe wrappers on the passenger seat. ryder downed them (i guess...no gum left, only wrappers). steve had bought the fruit stripe gum a few days ago and ryder found it (he knew that it was gum b/c he had a couple half pieces a few days prior). needless to say, i made a call to steve and said, no more gum in the car.

something i always try to remember:
whatever is contained in the moment...
find some layer of enjoyment.
-- sark

ashley gramins has the most amazing cd and it's now available for purchase and will be downloadable april 16th on cdbaby.com and may 1st on iTunes. it's music that both children and adults will love to listen to...truly. the first time we (my kids and i) listened to her (demo) cd, we were in the car and when each song stopped, the kids kept saying "more...more". it's amazing music you and your kids will want to listen to over and over and over again. you will love it. you can listen to samples of her music here.

and, she's not only an amazing artist, she is an awesome, inspiring, wonderful woman.

this is to love
to fly toward a secret sky
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
first to let go of life.
finally, to take a step without feet.
-- Rumi

i found this quote on the great photographer, cynthia graham's, blog. she is a phenomenal photographer, who so incredibly inspires me.

from our house to yours, we wish you a happy, fun-filled easter!

and to those, who we would love to spend easter with but cannot, because distance separates us:

when i wish upon a star
i wish we didn't live so far.
but those friendly hugs across the space
put a smile on my face.
i'd rather have you standing near
where i could feel that hug, right here.
for i could use your warm embrace
and see the smile upon your face.
so when i wish upon a star,
i only wish we didn't live so far.
-- adapted from kay brewer's "wish upon a star"

photo: ryder this morning after collecting eggs.

kind of a rough day today...we all have them. but now...i'm ready for bed. i'm ready for tomorrow and i believe tomororw will be a better day.

"believe in everything until you find out otherwise
(and maybe even after that)."
believe in magic.
believe in yourself.
believe in spirit.
believe in goodness.
believe in miracles.
just believe.
- sark

ugh...my kids are sick again. kiele now has tonsillitis (super sore throat, fever and nausea) and is on antibiotics again (a couple weeks ago, it was for an ear infection). and ryder has another cough and runny nose. i kind of can't believe it because i feel like the kids have already been sick for pretty much a month straight. but really, when i think about it, things aren't that bad and i have nothing to complain about...things could always be worse. and that's what i always try to remind myself: things could always be worse...truly!

a little about this shot of sky -- it was taken at our friends', leah and ron's, house. sky really loves playing with their five year old son, ben. while there the other day, sky scratched her foot on something. it wasn't bleeding or anything and really wasn't that bad so i told her, "you'll be okay". next thing i see, she has a bunch of goop on her foot and two bandaids. i ask her, "sky what is on your foot?". she told me "ben took care of it. he gave me two bandaids." i thought it was just the cutest thing.

if you look really hard, you can see all of us. this is from yesterday's mini-sessions at the Hotel W. we had such a blast there. and that hotel is so cool. seriously, i think i could shoot there every day although i don't think they would like it very much. i kept messing up their (many) pillows and they kept cleaning up the pillows, time after time. at one point, i even told them that i would let them know when i was done with my clients so they didn't have to keep fixing them. well, that didn't matter; they kept cleaning :-)

and little k--she and i got along very well. she must have known that i love moody photos because she gave me some rockin' ones.