happiness is not a goal to be pursued; it is a byproduct (of a balanced and purposeful life).
- eleanor roosevelt

so...
i was in a bit of a funk over the past few days. not sad. not depressed. just out of it in general...a funk. not sure why. and i'm not really sure i can even explain it. but, the culmination of my funk was yesterday when i experienced my first migraine (flashing lights on one side, eye pain, progressively worse headache, and severe nausea). it all started early morning but i forced myself to my 11 AM hair appointment. there was no way i was missing the hair appointment i waited a month for when i was already three months overdue. things progressed while at my hair appointment...that's when the nausea really started and i ran to the bathroom to dry heave (nice). lucky for me, the other hair stylist had imitrex pills, that she used for her own migraines. recognizing that i was suffering from a migraine, she offered me one. heck yea. at that moment, i would have taken almost anything. and i knew exactly what imitrex was for because of my time spent as a nurse in the ER and i gladly took one. within 20 minutes, i was feeling so much better. but the residual pain and nausea continued the entire day, basically putting me out of commission all day and night.

anyways...over the past couple days, i've been doing a lot of thinking about things, trying to understand the whole "funk" thing. and i've concluded that my funk resulted from some recent self-imposed stress, setting too high expectations, which resulted in general life unbalance. as an over-achiever and perfectionist, i tend to do this often.

for example, my little ones began preschool and i was so excited about it. i was going to have all this free time. i was going to do my business work (editing) during all this free time, which would then free up my nights and i'd actually get to bed by 11 PM. well, things were not nearly as easy, as free or as exciting as i anticipated (ryder crying in the AM, getting everyone up and ready in the AM, backpacks together, lunches made, etc.) and i don't have nearly the amount of free time i thought i would.

i also have a wedding in PA that i'm photographing the end of this month, which has begun totally stressing me out. they (the ones getting married) basically said that they want me to do it, XXXX is how much money they have, and they don't care what i give them. how could i say no to that?! they booked me months ago. i'm so honored to do it. i'm excited to do it. but i'm stressed as hell too. i stressed so much for the last wedding i did, i ended up with a huge fever blister on my lip. i know everything will go great, especially since i have kathy wolfe as my second shooter, but i'm not a wedding photographer. and well...the anticipation of the event is killing me. (don't worry teddy...i'll be fine ;-)

oh...and steve is leaving again for a week (leaving tomorrow, instead of monday, which resulted in my having to reschedule a number of clients this weekend). just a tad bit of stress and unbalance resulted from this one. but part of military life, said with a smile. :-)

so anyways, i'm over my funk now but it took some time and reflecting. i realized that first and foremost, i need to be grateful that my kids are enjoying preschool (ryder stops crying shortly after i drop him off and has a great time). second, i need to learn to enjoy my free time for what it is...free time. it's hard though because it's been a long time since i've had free time. i want to learn to appreciate this time and try things such as relaxing, reflecting, exercising, etc. i write that and in the back of my mind, i'm thinking, yea right. but seriously, i'm going to try it. we'll see how things go.

:-)